I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
