TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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