I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
