she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
