i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
