Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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