we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
