Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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