At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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