You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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