That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
