R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
wanna go halves on a baby?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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