Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
