Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
