yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
