4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize