The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
