So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Houston, we have a squirter
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize