Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
