Kiss
Puke
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
