Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
