Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
