dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
