for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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