I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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