I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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