I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
