I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
