I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
