That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
