I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
