1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize