Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
