This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
