walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
