if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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