so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
