Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
