im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
