I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
