I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
