return my video game
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
