bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That accounts for only three of the penises
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
