dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
