We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
