Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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