Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sober January is a disaster.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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