Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so let's talk penis.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
