apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
