I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
