i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
