I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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