So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
