i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
