think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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