guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
