Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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