My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
