The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
