i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
