Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
