No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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