This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
