What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
