And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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