i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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