yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
