you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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