DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
