Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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