Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
